18 April 2011

哎...

haiz............

最近啊,又发癫了>.<

我已经尽量不去想了,不过它就是一直缠着我

真烦

既然我已作了决定

我就应该守着它,无论如何,都别后悔


就是要坚持下去

我不管了

敢敢赌一把吧!!!!

到时候再看我还活着还是死了

没什么大不了的

顶多从零开始而已嘛

反正我从来就没有拥有过什么

接受自己的命吧

别把自己想得太崇高了

平凡人就过着平凡的日子好了

接受它吧

没什么大不了的.......



如果没有意外发生的话

我下个月就开课了

我不读本地大学了

我还是坚持我所追求的

虽然......

困难重重.....

学院生活,会让我感到自卑

那里都是富家子弟

我?

呵............

在那里读书就得跟他们相处

怎么办?

以我的生活水平是不可能融入他们的社会里的

怎么办?

搞自闭啊?

一直以来我多人介意别人的眼光

我不是大家所看到的那样坚强

我也会害怕

可是我没有任何依靠

所以只好死撑

结果就变成所谓的'坚强'

很可笑吧............我是这么觉得的

如果他们排斥我,怎么办?

到时候我该怎么撑下去啊?

如果,很多的如果都然让我很害怕

如果我在想下去真的是会疯掉的.........

这几个月以来我都没正常过

可怜我的同事了

个个都被我弄疯了..............

贵死人的学费啊~

可不可以不要那么贵啊?

怎么解决???

啊~~~~~头痛 >.<

哎...............

努力赚钱吧~

看来

还是 no life 了.......

真悲哀...........

为了理想

我不管

这头死牛,你给我撑下去!!!

10 April 2011

erm.....

phew~ suddenly think that my life should not be so dull, it should be colourful, like rainbow~ :) ya, totally agree with that, this recently have no life at all, besides working and sleeping, is still working and sleeping =.= not even bloging also, haiz....... i should change my lifestyle...... so, i think i wanna draft a list for what should i do. first: stop writing emo things in my blog >.< cuz i want my life be colourful second: think positively. since i have made that decision, just stick to it, dun think so much liao, go ahead and do my best, i believe hard work will have its rewards. third: cut down my working hours. i know money is very very very super duper important to me, but than i wanna enjoy my life, as a young adult, like the others, working is not my full time job yet, i am still a student. so, should have fun before i step into the real life. fourth: do something that i already planned long time ago. so sorry for that, i have abundan u all. fifth: be more social. i am trying very hard to do it right now >.< sixth: change my mindset. should have done that earlier seventh: be more mature. ya, i'm still very childish. eighth: do whatever i feel like to do, just follow my heart. ............... erm..... i think i start talking nonsense again, a lot things in my head now, but than so hard to express them.... haiz..... whatever, slowly write them out la, the main point of this blog is telling myself that i should change, that's all. hui yin

02 April 2011

update!! update!!

finally.... tmr is my off day, although i need to give tuition in the afternoon, but i still consider it as off day, fhew~ finally can get rest liao!!!!! pass few weeks ago, i started to work at gurney tower's starbucks as well, cuz there have not enough partners, so, i went there to help up. it's quite fun working there, got the chance to meet with other partners from other store, see different style of management, and i also learn a lot from there. during the first day i worked at GT, i was very unfamiliar with their things, cuz every store is different, although we have standard prosedures, there are still some differences, at first i was very uncomfortable with it, keep on thinking why like this why like that, but then since i was at GT, i need to adapt myself there, by now i am quite familiar with that place already, GT's starbucks is also a nice place to work at, the manager was my class's facilitator, Akmal, so i saw him before i went there. Adrian and Heidi are the store supervisors, they are very nice people, lots of fun working with them. Faruq and Zul are the partners, they are very friendly too, so glad to meet them. besides, i got the chance to meet partners from other stores as well, like rachel from straits quay, jun shean from 1st avenue, aya from queensbay,and also a partner from pragin mall, can't remember her name d...... in conclusion, GT's starbucks, not bad huh!!! ohya, actually i want to explain about what is so called back-to-back. it is a prosess of working at night and than followed by working in the next morning again, eg. today i worked for closing and then tmr i worked for opening. so now u all probably know what is back-to-back d, and what i actually want to tell u all is i worked back-to-back 3 days in a row...@.@ ya, they said i crazy d, but then is fun, just want to know where is my limit, that's all. so i worked opening at NWP and closing at GT, so......siao...... then the next week more cool, opening at NWP then closing at GT then go back NWP for spring cleaning then go back home sleep 2 hours then opening at NWP then middle at GT, really crazy, i admit that, and then hor......... i took mc for the next day, mucle cramp >.<, consiquence of lack of exercise for a long long period...... but...... shiok!!!!! >.< so, forcing myself to the limit is ......quite fun but very very very tired, now also not yet fully recover, hopefully tmr can get enough sleep, or else they have to suffer some more, cuz i keep on acting very crazy this few weeks.... hahaha!!!! it has been 3 months+ i worked at starbucks d....... never know i can stay at one place for such a long time, let see how far can i go, that's all for today, wait for the next update la!! bye!! hui yin

23 March 2011

.......

好久没有好好上来这里写部落格了,其实今天有点累了,但不知为什么,我就是想写,真的好久好久没认真去面对了。。。累,非常适合形容现在的我,无论哪一方面,我都累了。。。ya, i am totally exhausted, mentally and physically, i am so so so tired............ 上大学的事,一直烦着我,最近不知怎么的,不想接受所谓上天的安排,似乎已懂得为自己的梦想而拼命,这世界上没有不劳而获的东西,不过。。。。真的好累。。。追求梦想,好辛苦。。。不想留下遗憾,所以一直到现在还放不下,但是明知道前面是一道墙,还硬硬闯。。。为了它,我需要放弃好多东西,为了它,我需要加倍努力,为了它,我需要大胆的赌一把,但我又不能保障我会得到它,啊!!!!! 累。。。。简单的路不选,偏偏选那充满荆棘,会伤害自己的路,这是自虐吗?或许是的。。。huh.... i think there is something wrong with me, definately... people keep on telling me try it, go ahead, you can do it, don't give up, follow your heart.... u think it is so easy ar, i know how high is my standard, you aren't me, that's why it looks so easy to you. i know i can't compete with them, i know there are lots of people better than me, i have not enough knowledge, i am not hardworking enough, i have no confidence to myself, i have no courage, i have nothing, why should i be the choosen one? i already know i can't get the scholarship, why should i dissapointed myself? huh............ i am really so tired...... 疯狂的举动,不是我的风格,没有把握的事情,我不会去做,对,我就是没有安全感。。。。我走不出我的 comfort zone, 因为我害怕失去,我怕再次选择错的路,我害怕失败,我怕我承受不了。。。我怕很多东西。。。真的要这么做吗?看来我不只累了,还有疯了。。。hahaha...... 怎么办?敢敢去?我需要很大的勇气。。。怎么办?怎么办?时间不多了。。。
最近学会了一些事情,或许该说我早就知道了,只是前阵子尝试去推翻之前的想法而已。我早就知道对某件事情或东西不应该放太多感情在里面,因为受伤的会是自己,但不知道为什么,我好像在starbucks 那里投入了许多感情,因为那样,所以在那里我会很开心,现在已离不开那里了。。。是好事还是坏事呢?tired................. just came back from store 2 hours ago, later need to go store again, so sleepy right now, but then if i sleep right now, for sure i can't wake up d, how??
this few weeks working from morning till night, crazy d, last week working 3 days back-to-back in a row, yesterday opening at new world park then closing at gurney tower then go back store for spking cleaning than later opening at NWP then middle at GT, siao liao.............. @.@ i think no matter what i still need to take a nap, or else...... i dunno what will happen...... nite......




hui yin

16 March 2011

random 5

多希望我能放得下

多希望我能看开些

可是我不甘心

为什么?!

为什么我要放弃我想要拥有的东西

条件我没有吗?

我不配拥有吗?

凭什么要我放弃

为什么.............

多希望我不需为这些而烦......

..................




hui yin

15 March 2011

......

...........................

herm..................................

need to decide it as soon as possible

but.............

what should i do??

.........................






hui yin

07 March 2011

random 4

奇怪
为什么非得在大半夜写 blog 才有 feel............
算........反正我现在有空得很............
erm.........
先说说我的 stpm
上个月 21 日终于拿成绩了
只有一个字可以形容----烂
haiz...........
真是想象不到为什么 PA 2 会拿 C
把整体的成绩都拉低了.......
完了............
不知道现在该怎么做
local u 是没望了
scholarship 更不用讲,早就跟随 PA 去了 T.T
college?? tmd 我浪费了两年多的时间..............
haiz.............
算了.........
不读了
一辈子泡咖啡好了
真烦.................
信心也跟我说 bye bye 了.........
哦对了,
一月尾时店里来了个新 partner ,一直忘了介绍
他是 Sajendraa,跟我同岁,蛮好相处的
昨天也来了个新人,今天第一次正式与她见面,她叫 Debra
目前还不知道她是怎样的人
老实说,
原来我还是不喜欢改变
当我习惯某些事情后
我就不想去改变它
我的适应能力就是那么差......
................
之前我买了个 tumbler
照片迟些再 upload
我很喜欢那个 tumbler
现在我可以带咖啡回家咯.... ^^
三月我也开始教补习了
他今年 form 5 , 不过他要我教他 form 4
chem, phy, bio 和 bm
omg!!!
看来我疯了 @.@
他的补习费我收并不高
再加上现在我在 starbucks 的工作时间又减少了
所以我的收入还是那么可怜............
真糟糕......
以后读书需要很多钱啊
现在能赚越多越好
该怎么办?!
钱钱钱钱钱..............................
明天 off day
不过晚上要回 store meeting
没关系
总算可以好好睡一觉了
这阵子都做早上
真爱睡..........
好了
这次就到此吧
bye bye !!





hui yin